Monday, June 27, 2011

If an octopus and a highway planner had hot passionate sex...this would be the mistake

A photo of the GPS system in the car as we approached the Akashi-Kaikyo Ohashi (Akashi-Kaikyo Bridge) on our way to the staggeringly underpopulated island of Awaji several months ago. If you are wondering what possible wonders could await on Awaji that might necessitate a level of traffic control such as this seventy-five lane cluster-fuck of merging, you will be not in any possible way surprised to learn that it is onions. Yes, get ready for a concrete recreation of a drunken tapeworm so that you all can get your tasty onions post-haste.

And just in case you think our GPS has been huffing glue, Google will confirm the pave-bortion that is this interchange

Side note: Do you see any other roads coming in here? With 17 different lanes, you would expect a confluence of about 6 to 8 other major roads...I see 3 - One from the north and two from the south. I think some concrete magnate paid for some government official's hooker about 15 years ago.

For the love of all that is sweet and merciful run this shit by a native speaker

The idea of poor English making it onto T-shirts has been beaten into the ground like a tent-peg by someone on MDMA, but it should be pointed out that is not just uber-hipster ironic T-shirts that are in extreme need of proof-reading. It extends to all products and a shameful amount of signage. I present to you this product which I get to see every morning on my way out the door.

Most disappointing contents ever.

But on a more (or possibly equal or less) serious note. This product raises enough questions to fill an entire episode of Erotic Jeopardy (a show that is seriously needed in my opinion).

So lets do this erotic Jeopardy style:

Alex, I'll take Obvious Questions for 100.

"This is the first thing you do before releasing a product featuring a language on which you have a minimal grasp"

"What is have a native speaker ensure that the products name doesn't refer to some part of the sexual anatomy in another language?"

That is correct, and you have control of the board.

Alex, I'll take "Obvious Questions" for 200.

"This is what a gynecologist might ask upon learning that product called the "Clit Album" existed" (total side note - blogger's spell check recognizes irregardless but not clit...only one of those words is standard English...dirty, but standard. The other is something news casters on CNN say when they want my to punch my TV)

"What is 'Exactly how many medically relevant photographs are contained within the aforementioned Clit Album?'"

Correct again and the board remains in your control.

Thanks Alex, I am going to take 'Possible ways to employ native speakers in Japan' for 100

"This is one way to possibly employ native speakers in a country rife with products as poorly named as the Clit Album."

"What is a proof reader?"

Well done!

Thanks again Alex, I think I am going to move to "Questions with no satisfactory answer" for 400.

Ok, and the clue is "There is no good answer to this that comes to a sensible mind"

"What is the phrase they were trying to go for when they blundered onto 'Clit Album'?"


Ladies and Gentlemen...I give you the Clit Album.

Call me lazy

Or call me gainfully employed - your choice.

Regardless (or irregardless as morons like to say when they think adding syllables is equivalent to adding IQ points) It is time to get back into this thing and post all about the past few months which has seen its share of insanity.