Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Damn dirty apes!
While hiking the hill to school, I came across two well-relaxed monkeys who were cleaning each other. I thought it would be smashingly brilliant to snap a photo with my phone, but had to get rather close since I can't figure out the zoom function. Once I was close enough, this one decided with stunning alacrity, to demonstrate his opposition to that idea by lunging at me and showing some teeth.
For the record - monkeys are fast.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Yay Japanese Marketing Pt. II
That's right, it's the artificial creamer that makes you want to take a long hot shower after every cup! It's the artificial creamer that reminds you of every bad ex-boyfriend! it's the artificial creamer of choice for subway perverts! Brought to you by Radiohead!
So many untapped markets...
Genius! Part II – RoboLoo
For reasons I don’t even want to begin to consider, we have never really adopted this absolutely wonderful innovation in crap-nology. Why, pray tell, do we take every poorly conceived piece of manga and anime and run it ad nauseam on Adult Swim and sell it en masse at Comicon conventions? Did the overweight 40 year-old virgins with nacho-stained Yoda t-shirts do us some great favor in the past that allows them to dictate our cultural imports from the East? Was there some trade summit presided over by a guy who still lives in his parents’ basement hammering out Xena fan fiction that decreed all trade with Japan (not related to cars and TVs) would be focused around trading card games and characters with platter-sized eyes and skirts shorter than my attention span when watching a romantic comedy?
Why have we not yet adopted the wonderful toilet technology of Japan? Why?!
Imagine a toilet that kept its seat warm for you on cold winter nights. Imagine a toilet that automatically raised its lid in honor of your arrival. Imagine a toilet with a built in ass-sprayer where you could set water temperature, pressure, angle, and even select from a number of rhythmic pulsing options. Imagine a toilet that would blow warm air on your posterior after the aforementioned spraying. Imagine a toilet that (for the ladies) could produce elegant sounds so no one would have to hear you suffering the aftereffects of a seven-layer burrito you inhaled at lunch. And imagine you could control all this by remote control.
But there is more to these porcelain princes than a borderline disturbing devotion to robotizing the restroom, there is some seriously hardcore common sense being used here too. For example, all toilets have a bi-directional flush handle – one for “big” and one for “small.” Why have we not yet adopted this? In our rush to embrace low-flow toilets, why have we insisted on a one-flush-fits-all mentality? Furthermore, when the tank is refilling, it runs the refill water through a tap on the top, which empties into the tank, so you can use that water to refill the tank and wash your hands - just such a good idea